Social Anxiety Is Just A Defense

Defense(11513494)_s
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Hey, welcome to today’s episode. Today, we’re going to be talking about social anxiety as just a defense. What? How dare you? It’s controversial, I know but stick with me. You’re going to find this episode extremely empowering, freeing, liberating so that you realize that you can be who you want to be, be free of the things that might have been plaguing you for months, years or even decades of your life and find your way to a greater sense of confidence, comfort in yourself, more love in your life that I think comes when we’re more confident. We know we can receive more love, we can connect, we can date, have relationships and tons of other benefits of more confidence. So, let’s dive into that.

If you’d like to go learn more about the show as well as get my free e-book, 5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner confidence, you can do so at shrinkfortheshyguy.com, shrinkfortheshyguy.com and if you’re benefiting from the show and enjoying these episodes, please go to iTunes and give it a rating because the more ratings we have, the more the show grows, the more people that we reach and that’s the whole purpose of this thing. That’s why it’s free is because I want to get this out there. That’s my mission, right? Operation Mass Liberation, how to help everyone who’s stuck feel more confident. This is one of the things I’m here to do. So, check out the show online at shrinkfortheshyguy.com and then give it a rating. That would be awesome. And let’s talk about social anxiety as just a defense.

So, here’s what I mean. First of all, do you think of yourself as someone who has social anxiety? Is that something that you think to yourself or maybe you even said to other people or maybe it’s diagnosis you receive from someone official? Or maybe you just self-diagnosed, read about it on the internet or got my book, The Solution to Social Anxiety. Somewhere in your mind, is that part of your identity? I have social anxiety. I’m a socialist person. Maybe I’m a shy person. Just dig around in there and see if that’s something you identify with. And there’s no shame on that. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you want to get clear like is this something that I’m perceiving myself as? And if so, that’s important to look at because the strongest force in the human personality is to remain consistent with our identity.

That’s what my boy, Tony Robbins says and I think it’s true. The strongest force in the human personality is to remain consistent with your identity. So if it’s like I am a socially anxious person, I have social anxiety and it makes this, this like thing. It’s like this backpack or it’s like … not even that, it’s like a part of you. It’s like a mole on your shoulder. I have this mole right here and I got social anxiety. That’s not going anywhere. And that’s the part that I want to challenge because that’s how I identified for many years. And I didn’t see it as possible that I could be someone else. I thought, well, I can just get a little less anxious and hide it better and maybe somehow get a girlfriend and an okay job, sort of the best I can do as this messed up social anxious person.

Now, I want to have said it with that language but that’s how I thought, that’s how I felt, that’s how I acted, that’s how I approach life and that’s what I want to challenge today. And I want to give you a totally new perspective about what’s social anxiety actually is. What if the entire thing, all of it? The self-doubt, the fear, the people are going to judge me. They’re not going to like me. They’re replaying it in your head afterwards. I’m not good enough. I failed at that. I’m awkward in conversations. I’m not good enough to achieve or get that or receive that love or whatever it is. What if all of that social anxiety, the fear of interacting with others and being seen by others and being ourselves, what if all of that was just a defense and nothing more? And what do I mean?

Well for this, you got to know what I mean by the defense. And this is like old school psychology, Freud noticed in people what he called “psychological defenses.” And what he found is that, people had ways of dealing with pain and defending themselves or trying to protect themselves from pain. Well, what kind of pain you might ask? Well, of course physical pain but in Freud’s era up through today, we face some physical pain but a lot of the pain we feel on a daily basis, if we’re not dealing with an illness or a chronic condition or something is emotional pain. Actually, even with an illness or chronic condition, a lot of your pain is emotional, right? On top of the physical, so emotional pain is what we’re trying to defend our self from. And he found all kinds of defenses. Some of them are classics, you might have heard of like denial. That’s not happening. There’s nothing wrong here, right?

Another super common avoidance or defense is avoidance. If I don’t look at the problem, if I don’t face the problem then the problem is not here, right? And we all do these things on some level. But I want to suggest today that social anxiety itself, the whole thing is just a defense. And specifically, we’re going to dive into what you might be defending yourself from and then, how to approach it differently so you don’t have to see yourself in this limiting way. And ultimately, you can become more of what you want to be and who you want to be. So, we’re going to dive into what we’re defending ourselves from and how to break free from all this stuff right after this break.

So, if social anxiety is just a defense, what is something we’re protecting? What is it we’re protecting ourselves from? What are we trying to defend against? Well, what do you think? Imagine this, so let’s follow the anxiety to what it’s trying to guide you to do. So think of a situation where you have social anxiety, maybe it’s in a work situation, it’s in a meeting, speaking up, maybe it’s doing something that’s more of a leadership move like volunteering to take on a project and be seen as someone who’s capable, becoming that go-to person. Social anxiety can prevent us from doing that. Maybe it’s in your social life. It’s just conversing with people, going to a party or a mixer where there’s a lot of people. Maybe it’s in your dating life, right? Approaching someone you find attractive, deepening your relationship with someone by being boldly confident and authentic. Noticing where that social anxiety comes up for you and maybe it’s in a lot of areas. That’s where it was for me and a lot of people that are working with this challenge notice that it’s not just in one area. It’s in all areas or a lot of areas. Maybe you got one area handled like, I’m good at work. But then when I dig in with people and then really start asking them questions, they’re like, well good enough but I really want to be a leader but I’m scared, right? So, I think it affects us in all areas. Confidence is the key factor in all our success. But notice the area where you feel it most, right now in your life and just pick one; dating life, social life, work, life.

Now, what is that anxiety? If it was just trying to protect you from something, what do you think it’s trying to protect you from? Do you have a guess? What do you think? So, let’s take an example here. Maybe I was using some work examples, let’s take that. Maybe you’re in a meeting and you want to present a countering viewpoint or you want to take on a project, right? How does that anxiety show up? You might feel it in your body. You might feel afraid or nervous but if you also notice what your mind is saying, it might be saying things like don’t say that, people aren’t going to like you if you say that, you’re going to get fired if you say that countering viewpoint, people aren’t going to want to listen to you, people are going to think you don’t know what you’re talking about. If you take that project on, you’re going to mess it up. You’re not ready for it yet. You can’t actually do that, what if you fail? It’s supposed to be easy and you’re going to mess it up, right? Whatever the stories are, if you follow them to their logical conclusion, if you’re to believe all those stories, what is it saying you should do?

Here’s what I’ve discovered. Across all situations, work, your social life, your friendships, your relationships, dating across all situations, it comes back to “it’s all going to go terribly,” “you’re going to fail because you’re not good enough,” “they’re not going to love you because you’re not good enough so don’t do anything.” Don’t do anything. Don’t speak up. Stay silent. Don’t approach that person, start a conversation. Stay quiet. Stay distant. Pretend like you’re busy on your phone. Don’t ask her out, she’s going to reject you, right? So, it’s saying don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it. So, what is it trying to protect you from? That’s right, rejection, right? Failure, rejection and failure, those are the two biggest ones.

And in a lot of ways, our fear of failure is actually a fear of rejection. We think that, if you fail it, that’s something that everyone at work is going to be like, “What a loser you are.” Or if you fail at something then she’s going to say, “I don’t want to date you, you’re a loser.” That comes back to being a loser, right? So, there’s a fear of failing and being rejected but you know what? That’s actually not what we’re defending ourselves from. It might seem like it but it’s not. Here’s what I mean. What happens after you get rejected or after you fail? What do you feel? How do you feel? Yes, shitty, right? And that is the thing that we’re trying to defend ourselves from, the pain of that rejection.

And I actually talked about this in my book, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, which came out recently. It is powerful. It is awesome. It’s my favorite thing that I’ve created ever probably but I talk in there about internal versus external rejection. And there’s the outer rejection, she says no. They say, “No, we’re not going to go with your idea. No, we don’t want to buy from you. No, we don’t want to hire you, no, whatever.” Then, there’s the internal rejection and that’s the thing that we’re scared of; this crushing feeling of I’m a loser. I’m not good enough. I am a failure. I am unlovable. I am unworthy. I am a sub-par human. Way back when, when I was working and doing purely clinical work and I had a bunch of different patients, I worked for this one kid who is just so painfully shy. I mean just really … not agoraphobic because he could leave the house but almost.

Like he would stay at home and live with his mom. He’d go to the store and be anxious at the store and go home again. No job, no friends, he’d walk the dog too. That was it. And he referred himself, this is terrible. He referred himself as a subhuman. I mean he actually had a great sense of humor. He’d kind of had a smirk on his face when he said it but there’s a lot of pain there. And that’s were trying to protect here. I mean he was living in that 98% of the time. But a lot of us who are maybe more functional than that or have a higher level of some confidence, it’s still there what, 50% of the time? Maybe you don’t feel it when you’re hanging out with your wife or husband or whatever but then you feel it when you’re at work. Or maybe you don’t feel it at work. You feel confident at work but then go approach that person that I don’t know, oh my God. I’m not good enough, right?

So, somewhere, that feeling gets triggered and it’s that crushing sense. It’s like shame, unworthy, bad, that’s what we’re trying to defend our self against. And that’s what we need to learn how to break free of. And not defend our self and learn how to work with that and break right through that. And we’ll talk more about that in just one moment.

So, how do we work with this feeling that we’re trying to defend ourselves from and what if you didn’t defend yourself anymore from that feeling? What? Blasphemer, blasphemy. So, here’s the deal. The most powerful way to get over anything is to go through it. And the most powerful way to overcome any fear is what? That’s right, exposure. It’s facing the fear, is feeling the fear and working through the fear. If you avoid something, it only gets worse. I know, I’m probably preaching to the choir here. You probably know this but we all need to hear it again and again because there’s a human quality that we all have. Our default is to want to avoid what’s uncomfortable and avoid fear and avoid potential pain especially emotional pain. But we’re going to need to shift that, we’re going to transform that if you really want to be free of this. Not just manage your social anxiety but transform yourself so you no longer identify with that. That’s not who you are. And so sometimes people ask me, they’re like, “Well, do you ever have social anxiety anymore?” And I say, “No, I am a superhuman and I no longer deal with such petty emotions like fear and anxiety, worrying about what other people think of me.”

No, I said, “Of course. Of course, I feel fear in social situations sometimes.” I mean that’s … if there’s anyone that says they don’t ever, ever, ever… give me an hour with them. Give me 30 minutes with them and I bet we’ll find something. I’ll make him anxious. No, I’m just … I would dig. I would mind. I would ask questions. I’d find out about their experience and look, it’s a human. It’s a human thing to feel this fear. But, if you were to say, “Aziz, do you have social anxiety?” I’d say, no. And say, “Are you a socially anxious person?” I’d say, no, right? I can feel fear or anxiety socially around people, that’s just a passing state. That’s just an experience. That’s not who I am. And guess what, that’s me trying to defend myself. That’s me being scared of rejection or failure. More specifically, that’s me being scared of those feelings. And guess what I do when I’m scared of these feelings? I go right into them. And trust me this takes more courage than anything else. And this is what I do when I work with people. And this is why people want to work with me and not just read a book or not just listen to the podcast because I can tell you how to face the feelings and to face the feelings. But doing it is fucking scary and uncomfortable and hard. And that’s why I work with people one on one, that’s why we have these groups where people actually are … those are even more powerful because we’re helping each other, and on the weekends. And we get into an environment or a group or a situation where it’s like, great. And that’s what I’ll do.

And so, this is a mastermind call. And there’s someone that’s like, “I’m scared of … I spoke up and I’m afraid that everyone there thinks I’m stupid.” And I’m going to work with them on their perception and probably seeing that in some ways they’re exaggerating it and not everyone is thinking about them that way. But you know what else I’m going to do? I’m going to want to help them heal that at the deepest level. So I’m going to say, “Great, that idea that everyone thinks you’re stupid?” When you… like let’s go into that. Let’s not try to run away from that. That pain, that part of you that is like hurting at the idea that someone could think negatively of you. Let’s go find that place in your body, in your heart, in your stomach, wherever it is where you feel that argh and let’s go right into that with courage, with boldness, with willingness, with openness and face it,” and we dive in. And I help them feel it.

And I do this in my own life too. I’ll feel it. I’ll sit there. I’ll do nothing and I’ll just feel it and breathe. And at first, guess what? It gets worse. It gets way worse. Like oh God, no. I got to check my email. But if you don’t run away in your thoughts and try to escape and you just face it and feel it, it gets worse. It feels uncomfortable but you meet it with love, you meet it with acceptance, you meet it with openness and things start to shift. Things start to open up. You start to feel completely differently.

And if you want a crash course like Masters level course in this stuff, check out my program, The Confidence Code where I teach deep self-esteem transformation and I guide you to these exercises, we do them together. That’s the next best thing to coaching with me. That’s why I designed it. It’s like, okay if somebody wants to coach with me, this is what I would do with them so let’s help them and it shifts everything so you can go way deeper with that program. It’s yourconfidencecode.com to get it. And I think I have to have an eBook too for free when you go there and sign up. So, that’s a great way to get started for free and then if you want to get the program, there’s opportunities to do that.

But whatever it is, you’ve got to face that feeling on some level. And you know what happens, you start to heal up that part of you that thinks like you’re not enough. And you start to feel more whole, more complete. And then, you stop identifying with I’m an anxious person. It’s just like, oh yes I am afraid of getting rejected here. Okay, guess what I’m going to do? Take the action and potentially get rejected. And the more that you do that, the more this identity starts to melt away. Because how that even make sense to say, “Oh, I’m a socially anxious person or I’m hell.” It’s like no, I’m doing so many crazy bold things a week, a month, a year. It’s insane and the same is true for you. It’s just a matter of shifting this and getting into that action, changing that momentum. And speaking of that, let’s get into action right now.

Action Step

So your action step for today is to answer this question, are you ready? What would you do if you didn’t have social anxiety? No social anxiety, no fear around others, around for anything. What would you do? Really pay attention to that answer. If fear rushes in, we’d be like, “Don’t find an answer because shit, then we’re going to have to do it, right?” That’s your safety police. Let that do its thing. It’s trying to keep you safe but face it, go deeper. What if you didn’t have social anxiety? What would you do? You’re not committing to force yourself to do it, although maybe you will perhaps and find it easier and more successful than you imagine. But for now, the action step is just to ask yourself that question. Maybe you just make a practice of that this day, this week. In this situation right here, at work, or in this party or there’s someone attractive over there or maybe with your … or maybe you’re in a relationship. I mean shit, confidence doesn’t stop.

You don’t need to stop needing confidence when you’re in a relationship. You need more confidence to feel worthy of that person, to feel not be jealous if they’re going to leave you for someone better, to have a hard conversation, ask for what you want, negotiate, give love when you’re scared, reveal something else about yourself that is true but you think they’re not going to love you anymore. I mean shit man, creating an extraordinary relationship, that is an even higher level of confidence. Wherever it is, what if I didn’t have social anxiety right now? And then just let your mind explore, see what you would do. Who you would be? And then as you’re ready, step by step, moving into that, being who it is that you want to be. That’s how you transform. That’s how you become a completely different person. So, you transform your identity and ultimately, all the results that you want in every area of life. Thanks for being with me today, thanks for listening, thanks for diving in, thanks for having the courage to show up and until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level, that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

A Way More Powerful You

power
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Hey, everybody. Welcome to today’s episode of the show. Today, we’re going to be talking about power. That’s right, you and a way more powerful you. And today’s going to be deep dive into power, what I mean when I say that word power and how you can bring more of it into your life. Removing any of the obstacles that you have, that stop you from feeling powerful, socially in relationships, in life, in work, and business. And how to install a sense of power, so that you can use that to get what you want done in life and to attract the people that you want to you.

So this is going to be an action-packed episode, I’m excited to dive in with you. To go deeper into the show, go to shrinkfortheshyguy.com; shrinkfortheshyguy.com, there are show notes there, you can also get access to my e-book there; 5 Steps to Unleash Your Inner Confidence. That book is awesome and it’s entirely free. And it’s a deep specific look at the five steps that I would guide people through to help them transform their confidence in their lives.

So, let’s look at power. First of all, when I say that, “more powerful you,” what do you think of? What’s the first thing that comes to mind? Does it sound good? Does it sound appealing? Does it sound … does it have sort of a negative connotation? Like, “Oh, power, oppression, greedy.” Or maybe it’s vague, maybe you have no idea what that means. Like, “Oh, power” like He-man, right and there’s no sense of what I mean. So let me explain a little bit and then we’ll see if you’re drawn to it or if there’s some buttons that it pushes.

Basically, I’m not talking about the power over say to be the head of a company or a politician who influences a lot of people in that way like sort of sanction the power. That’s not what I’m talking about here, I’m talking about two kinds of power. First and foremost is personal power. And that’s a sense that you are a powerful person. It is related to the other kind of power which is like what I call, “get shit done” power. I talk about this in my book the, “Art of extraordinary confidence.”

Get shit done power, that’s your ability to make stuff happen in the world whether you want to have a relationship with someone so you go pursue that person and talk to them or you want to be more effective in your work, in your business. Or maybe you eventually want to create your own business and have that entrepreneurial confidence. That’s get shit done power. That’s what I mean by power. So when you think of that, being a more powerful person and when I talk about personal power, there’s something around social power too. And if you have ever watched any of my videos or gotten into some of my programs, I talk a lot about social power.

And this is a sense of “I can do what I want, I can say what I want, I can speak my mind and be assertive, I can share what I really think here.” And I am … there’s a sense of like I am equal to others. I’m not, “Oh man, you’re better than me.” “Oh, I’m sorry. Oh, don’t be upset with me.” That’s sort of a lack of power. That’s what I mean, when I talk about personal power, I’m talking about social power, feeling equal to others, powerful. Able to go after what you want, get shit done power, able to create what you want in life.

So, I’m talking about those kinds of power and a way more powerful you. How do you feel right now in this moment as you’re listening to me? Do you feel excited? Do you want more of that in your life? Do you feel nervous? A little hesitant? A little unsure? Maybe a little anxious? There’s a lot of fears around power. I actually cover there in my book. In fact, this is such a valuable list, I’m going to read that for you right now. Hang on one sec, I’m going to grab a copy of my book which is over here on the table. And I’m going to read the top reasons that we’re afraid of power. In fact, you know what will be better, let’s take a quick break and we’ll be right back in just a moment. I’m going to share the top reasons we’re afraid of power. The reasons we block power, the reasons we keep our power low on purpose. As crazy as that sounds, that some part of us wants to feel less than others, wants to feel “she’s too good for me, she’s out of my league, he’s better than I am or I shouldn’t ask him for a favor or question or I shouldn’t speak up in this meeting.”

When we sell ourselves short, there’s a part of us that wants to keep our power low. And I’m going to share that list in just a minute as to why. During this break, think about that for you though. Why might you want to keep your power low on purpose? Or a part of you might want to do that. As crazy as it sounds, there’s reasons. So stay tuned, I’ll share mine in just one moment and I want you to think about that during the break.

So, I have this list, the ten common fears of power. It’s from my book, The Art of Extraordinary Confidence, I’m going to read it to you right now. Here’s one, if I’m powerful and successful, it is somehow taking from others who are less so. If I’m my full powerful self, I will be disliked, ridiculed, and condemned. If I boldly speak up and pursue what I want, I’ll be persecuted or killed. Others will see my power as arrogance and dislike me. Others will feel jealous of me and dislike me. Power is oppressive. By being powerful, I am marginalizing and oppressing others. If I am powerful, people will see me as power hungry or greedy and dislike me. If I’m powerful, people will see me as a threat and want to fight me or keep me down. If I’m my full powerful self, I won’t be able to work at my job and they’ll fire me for being too much. Power is bad, wanting more power is bad.

So, what did you notice about that list? I’m going to throw this book down right now. When you heard that, do you relate to any of those? Do some or more of those stand out to you, it’s like, “Oh yes, I do think or feel that or fear that on some level.” And did you notice a theme across many of those? And a lot of those were drawn from my own experience and fears of power but also hundreds of people that I’ve had conversations with, clients finding out what is it that people are afraid of. Because confidence and power go hand in hand, don’t they? Like when you think of a confident person, you imagine yourself as a confident person. Don’t you imagine yourself more powerful, more able to say what you want, do what you want, dress how you want, work where you want, achieve what you want, have the relationships that you want.

So we want it, but then there’s all these fears that hold us back. And you notice the theme across a lot of the fears is some version of A; it’s going make me a bad person or B, people are going to dislike me and maybe both, maybe they’ll dislike me because I’m a bad person. But it’s usually what’s underneath a lot of these fears, it’s kind of like stepping up and being bigger. A more powerful you is a bigger you. And it doesn’t mean you’re having to yell and just pound on the table and get control of the meeting and kind of be this tyrant sort of power. But you’re not hiding under the radar. In the meeting, instead of being the guy whose got your head down, “Oh, don’t look at me, oh shit, I hope no one calls on me.” You’re the guy who’s like, “Hey, I’m going to share this opinion.” One of the guys in my mastermind group, he’s made some awesome progress. He used to be that guy with the head down in the meetings. And he’s done a ton of work, he came to the Conversation Master weekend and really got some powerful key distinctions for him. And he started to come back to his office and just talked to everyone. In fact, there was one person, it was a big company, so not everyone knows each other and he was chatting them up at some break room or whatever and the person was like, oh, so are you new here? And he was like, no, I’ve been here for a long time but because he was being so outgoing.

And then just recently, he had an experience where he spoke up in a meeting and there was a number of people that were and the boss and everyone in the meeting wanted to do plan X. And he was like, “Man, plan X is a bad idea, I think we’re going to have this problem and that problem.” And he said that. He said, here’s how I see it differently. And you know, his boss said, “No, we’re going to stick to plan X.” But that’s powerful, that is powerful, to step up and speak that and share that. And some people are going to like it, some people are going to not. I think that’s kind of a thing that if you do it respectfully, that’s noticed. And that’s a leadership move, that’s a high power move, that’s a high confidence move.

So we want those things but the fear is that people are going to dislike us. People are going to … there’s going to be some consequence of being bigger like that. Now why do you think that is for you? What is the fear for you? I read a list there, we came up with some ideas. But what stops you from being bigger, bolder, more powerful, more outspoken, more willing to say what you want to say, do what you want to do? And go get shit done, that you want to get done. What is the fear that stops you? Good. Noticing that, thinking about that, reflecting about that, because the more awareness that you can get, the more you’re going to be able to shift it. The more you’re no longer going to be…

We don’t have any awareness of it then we just kind of follow what the story says. Don’t do that, bad things are going to happen. And then we just say okay, I’m not going to do that, bad things are going to happen. And we don’t slow down and really question it, really examine it, really look at it. And when you do, you can start to see through the cracks. So, let’s talk about activating more power, more social power, more personal power, more get shit done power. How can you do that in your life?

What would you like to if you had ten times the power? What would you do? How would you show up differently? How would you move differently? In fact, I want to guide you through a process that is super powerful. A powerful process about power that’s very powerful. Now, we’re going to take a quick break. And then I want to guide you through this process, so get some water. Go to the bathroom, so you can just fully dive in for like six, seven minutes here when we get back from the break without any distractions. I think you’re going to find this extremely valuable.

So, let me guide you through this process to help you activate, find your power and use it more in your life. So now that we have raised more awareness around some of the stories you have, about why you shouldn’t be powerful, why it’s bad and if you want to go much deeper into that, check out my book “The Art of Extraordinary Confidence,” you’ll learn a ton more about that. But let’s do this right now. So go ahead and putting notes that you’re taking down. If you’re driving, you can still do this. It’s optimal if you’re not but just do it with your eyes open. But for those of you who can, close your eyes for a minute. But make sure you’re standing up and take a deep breath in and let it out.

I like you to remember a time in your life where you already did feel powerful. A moment where you felt fully powerful, fully capable, you could do it. You could get things done, nothing was going stand in your way. You just got get shit done. You felt fully powerful in your body, that could be physically powerful. Like you were going to … you just did some sporting event or a game or competition. That could be like mentally or psychologically powerful. Like you just crushed it in something, you wanted something or you were going into something with total determination. Finding that power right now, going back to that time and it could be from a month ago, a week ago, five years ago, ten years ago, it doesn’t matter. A time in your life where you felt fully powerful. You have that moment now. The first one that comes to mind is usually the best one. Just say yes out loud, good. I know that might feel a little strange, just you and me here but just trust me with this do it, good.

Now go back to that time, go right up to that time now as if you’re going out of your body, floating right back to that time, floating back in your body and seeing with your eyes closed. Seeing what you saw when you were feeling fully powerful. Hearing what you heard. Noticing who is around you, standing the way that you stand when you’re feeling fully powerful. Breathing the way that you breathe, good. Now what are kind of the things that you would say to yourself when you’re fully powerful? When you’re fully in charge? Maybe it’s “I got this.”

Maybe “nothing’s going to stand in my way.” Maybe, “bring it on.” I don’t know what it is for you, but it’s different for each person. And you want to find your language that captures that sense of power. Maybe it’s just yes. Now when you have that thing in your mind, where it’s one of those phrases, just try saying it actually out loud. With a little bit of intensity, “I got this.” “Yes.” For me it’s, “I’m the man.” All right, it makes me smile, it makes me feel good. So whatever it is for you, saying that out loud right now. Good. Say it again with more force, more intensity, good. I know it’s ridiculous and this is how you do it.

You know that fear of being ridiculous, the fear of people not liking, “Oh my god, who would judge me.” That is a lack of power because complete social power is, “I don’t give a shit.” Because if this is going to be valuable for me and the people that matter to me in my life and maybe the greater world at large, then who gives a shit if it’s a little strange or it’s a little weird or someone has, “Oh, what is he doing? I’m going to judge that.” Fuck it, who cares? Own it, if you’re worried about what a stranger thinks about something as small as this, that’s a serious lack of power. And we want to activate more of that power, that’s what I’m all about, helping people do and helping myself do is reach higher and higher levels of this social power, this social freedom, this confidence.

Good enough. From this place, open your eyes and just walk around the room that you’re in or outside or wherever you are, if you’re in the car just sitting fully upright breathing deep and just owning it in your body. Moving with this full sense of power and confidence in yourself. Nodding your head like, “Yes, I am a badass.” Now from this place, from this state, what is it that you want to do with more power in your body? More power in yourself? What are you committed to? What are you going to decide? How are you going to show up? Think about the different areas in your life. Maybe it’s at work, in your business, maybe it’s your love life, your relationship, your dating life? How you want to approach someone you find attractive? From this place of power, what do you feel? What do you notice? What do you think? Good, good.

Own this feeling, get familiar with it. This is you, closer to the real you, this is you closer to the source. All this power that you want is inside of you right now. It’s just a matter of activating in your body, in your mind, in your focus and then taking action from that place. And speaking of that, that bring us to your action step.

Action Step

Your action step for today is to from this place of power, take action. Decide on something that you’re going to do. Are you going to do it today? Maybe tomorrow, but it’s a move that you would do if you had five times the power, ten times the power, a bigger move, a bolder move. Maybe even something that scares you. Most likely it would be. Because that’s where the edge of life is, that’s where our growth is, that’s where excitement and a sense of aliveness comes is that edge right between what we desire and what we want and how we want to grow and what we’re called to do. And then fear, fear of doing it, fear of failing, fear of making mistakes.

But right in that razor’s edge there of what we want and what scares us, that’s where everything opens up. If we’re willing to be powerful, to step up, stand tall and just take action and go for it. Every time we decide not to, we lose energy, we lose power. And I don’t want that for you. So, go through this process again. Re-listen to this if you need to, find that place, decide, take action. Until we speak again. May you have the courage to be who you are and to know on a deep level that you’re awesome. I’ll talk to you soon.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

What Creates A Breakthrough (Josh’s comments)

Breakthrough (56778528)_s
Click below to hear this episode!

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

The Confidence To Achieve And Succeed with Robert MacPhee ­ Part 2

46094684 - decision word cloud, business concept

Do you want to achieve highly and perform exceptionally well?  To be at your peak and to succeed in all the areas of your life that you want?

Then today’s expert interview with Robert MacPhee is for you!  If you missed last week’s episode we sat down with Robert for Part 1 of the interview.  You can find it here.

We are so excited to dive in to part two where we are exploring how you :

  • Learn how to build up your confidence
  • Grow in the areas you want
  • Find the areas that you want to succeed in
  • To thrive
  • Make powerful decisions,
  • Make excellent decisions.
  • Step up into more and more capacity to choose the life we want

Don’t skip over this interview, it is one that will change your perspective and help understand how direct your life and what is required of you, access the confidence in us to do what we want.
Click below to hear this episode!

Expert Interview

Robert MacPhee is the Founder and President of Heart Set, Inc. in San Diego California. He works with organizations faced with significant changes, helping their people sustain and/or improve their productivity in spite of those changes.
The focus of Robert’s work is helping leaders create the results AND the experience of life they really want in a world of constant change. He does this by facilitating highly interactive workshops and hands on follow up, all based on the learning and application of fundamental principles.

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

Do Affirmations Work?

Positive Affirmations (38481052)_s
Click below to hear this episode!

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

The Confidence To Achieve And Succeed with Robert MacPhee ­ Part 1

ImpossibleDo you start things and don’t finish?  Do you struggle with starting at all and just fill your mind with a list of reasons why you will fail at X (fill in the blank).

X- is anything you want, anything you want to succeed at.  If you don’t have confidence then it’s hard to succeed, it’s a struggle to achieve what you want.

Confidence is the doorway to success in every area of your life.  Join Dr. Aziz and Robert MacPhee in this Expert Interview.
Click below to hear this episode!

Expert Interview

Robert MacPhee is the Founder and President of Heart Set, Inc. in San Diego California. He works with organizations faced with significant changes, helping their people sustain and/or improve their productivity in spite of those changes.
The focus of Robert’s work is helping leaders create the results AND the experience of life they really want in a world of constant change. He does this by facilitating highly interactive workshops and hands on follow up, all based on the learning and application of fundamental principles.
Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

How To Be Confident If I’m Not Tall Enough?

not tall enoughHow can I have self love and self confidence with something I have no control over?

Our listener today describes how he is insecure about his height at 5’4″ and lately it’s been difficult to deal with knowing how society deals with superficial things like height.

Women especially think that height is a deal breaker, how can he have confidence in himself when it’s something he can’t change?

Click below to hear this episode!

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

The 30 Day Authenticity Challenge

Challenge

Today we are talking about Confidence, Courage and Boldness to Really Be Yourself

Learn how to:

  • Say What You Want To Say
  • Be How You Want to Be
  • Do What You Want to Do

Being fully you and fully authentic is a skill that you can build!  Learn how to be more you in deeper ways at work and in your relationships.
Click below to hear this episode!

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

How Do I Know When I’ve Achieved Full Confidence?

ASK THE SHRINK FINAL FINAL

How do you know when you have achieved full confidence?

Is there a point where you feel as though you have arrived?

Josh writes in and explains how he put himself out there at work with women and yes he experienced rejection and everything else but he was able to take all that negative and say to himself “Josh You Are A Legend”.

He says, “If you asked me to do that a year ago there is no chance,of course I still get nervous but I just do it.”

How do you know that you have achieved full confidence- Dr. Aziz answers this and gives insight no matter where you are at in your journey.

Click below to hear this episode!

Music Credit

All music is licensed or royalty free.

Intro:
DeepSound – Rain Clouds
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Ask The Shrink:
Boccherini Minuet
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Action Step:
Justin Crosby – Skrillit
(Licensed through Pond5.com)

Outro:
Lokfield – Terra’s Theme Dubstep
soundcloud.com/lokfield
(Creative Commons License)

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WHO AM I?

Hello! I'm Dr. Aziz. I spent a decade of my life stuck in shyness and social anxiety. I felt nervous and awkward in my own skin. I felt tight in my stomach and shoulders. I was scared about what others would think of me and avoided taking risks that could lead to embarrassment.
But, I learned how to change all that and I'm eager to share that you so you can avoid the same agonizing years I spent sitting on the sidelines watching life pass me by.

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